COMMENTARY: Crime doesn’t pay but it’s sometimes hilarious

By MELECIO FRANCO

We may not be able to prevent all the crimes that occur in our neighborhoods, but we can have a laugh at some of the criminal suspects that really need to find a different line of work. Here is a rundown of some of the past month’s ridiculous

Seriously? I mean, Seriously???

activities along with some humorous commentary on each case. All suspects are considered innocent until proven guilty in a court of law and hilarious, beyond a reasonable doubt, in the court of public opinion.

Find us on Facebook, really

Friends are not the only ones that can follow you on Facebook. A Louisiana man and several of his friends were recently charged with illegally hunting at night and killing eight deer. The poachers posted their prized game photos on Facebook which helped game wardens with the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department launch an investigation. The game wardens are continuing the investigation and interviewing more people possibly involved in the crimes that were tagged in the photos by the suspects. Follow more details of this case by liking the Facebook group: Deer Hunting Morons.

Take a bite out of crime

A New Caney woman took the phrase “cleaning house” to a new level after being accused of stealing from an 88-year-old Kingwood woman who hired her to clean her apartment. The woman was charged with stealing cash, gift cards, and electronic video game systems. She is even accused of stealing the old woman’s gold dental bridge and selling it for scrap to a gold dealer. The amount of the items stolen totaled $7,560. The woman was charged with theft from an elderly person, which is a third degree felony. The fine line between a thief and a pirate is crossed by stealing and selling someone else’s gold teeth. If she’s found guilty, hopefully, she will have to walk the plank.

Not available without a prescription

A Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office deputy was dispatched to the 500 block of Sawdust Rd. on Dec. 26, in reference to a welfare check where a woman had reportedly passed out in a store. Deputies discovered that the woman was in possession of several prescription narcotics, without having a prescription for them. The woman was arrested on three counts of possession of a controlled substance. The three medications qualified her passing out episode as a technical knockout instead of just a regular knockout.

Tools of the trade

Cleveland Police responded on Jan. 12 to a theft call at Walmart at 5:08 p.m. A 28-year-old, man from New Caney was arrested for theft and possession of a controlled substance. The suspect stole razors, gloves and tape valued at $122. He was also arrested for possession of a glass smoking pipe with a white substance inside of it. When you consider the items he attempted to steal and throw in the glass smoking pipe, the only logical conclusion to be drawn is that the man would get high before attempting various arts and crafts projects. Everyone needs a hobby. It keeps them out of trouble.

You reap what you sow

Harris County Sheriff’s Office patrol deputies in the Channelview area arrested three burglary suspects after their poor planning resulted in a very short crime spree that ended the same day it started. The suspects were charged with burglary of a habitation for breaking into and stealing from two homes. When the victim of the first burglary was talking to deputies, law enforcement easily located the suspects’ get-away vehicle shortly after the second burglary. It had stalled on the side of the road after it ran out of gas. The 17-year-old female suspect in the group might have a small problem getting help from her family to bail her out of jail. The second home that she robbed belonged to her aunt.

Here’s your sign

Sometimes there are obvious clues that seem to scream out that your actions are taking you down the wrong path in life. On Jan. 11, a MCSO deputy detained a man from Conroe who apparently ignored those clues. He found the perfect place to get arrested for being drunk and trespassing on private property: Roundup Rd.

Not climbing the ladder of success

On Jan. 21, a MCSO deputy was dispatched to a residence on Laurette in reference to a felony theft call. A 44-year-old Porter resident had stolen a ladder from a neighbor and was chopping it into smaller pieces to sell for scrap metal. The man was arrested for theft. I bet that if he had succeeded, he would have asked to be paid in pennies for all his hard work. This man was desperately in need of a fool-proof plan to make money.

Change we can believe in

On Jan. 21, a MCSO deputy responded to a burglary of a vehicle call in the 12500 block of Melville Dr.

The complainant reported that someone had entered his unlocked vehicle and stole approximately $25 in coins. Following a tip, deputies were able to locate a suspect in the area which led to the recovery of the stolen money.

After being arrested, the man was also charged with possession of a controlled substance and taken to jail.

Breaking into a car to steal pocket change while carrying drugs begs the question: if we offered a penny for your thoughts, would we be paying too much?

More stories like this found here.

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